(Source: stephaniecalleja)
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1. Look in the mirror and say “Bitch, I’m fabulous.”
2. Don bikini.
(via sugalips)
Jon and I have been looking and talking and dreaming about this house for a few months now. It’s pretty fantastic, and it’s a great price. After some back and forth and changing around of a few details, in a few days, we will finally sign our lease. Its ours, basically!
The house sits at the corner of our street, just three houses down from Curtis and Amy! I’m so happy we’ll be living next to such good people. We’re also just down the street from Cherrywood Coffee House! So awesome!
It’s light green with darker green accents on the outside with plenty of space to park and grow flowers by the door. It’s got two bedrooms, and we will be using the larger bedroom for our office/studio! That bedroom is very long, with great windows and built in storage and bookcases. The smaller bedroom will be where we actually sleep, and it’s the perfect size with lots of window light.
The living/dining area is awesome. It’s all wood floor, and super huge. Neither of us have really had our own nice living room before, so we’re super excited to have friends over! Our kitchen is stunning. All new appliances, beautiful cabinets, and it’s huge. And finally- a dishwasher!! We will also have a washer/dryer! There is one bathroom, and it is amazing. It’s completely brand new, and has the coolest freaking shower with back jets, and since he knocked out the original closet space from the bedroom (we have wardrobes, and will be adding storage below our bed for our clothes) it’s amazingly spacious.
Then there is the back yard. Yes. I will finally have my back yard. I haven’t had a back yard since I lived in Georgetown, and even then we did nothing with it because it was too small and mostly rock. Before that, was when I was little, and I loved my 2 backyards that we had. I loved my play set, and my trampoline, and trees, I just love backyards so much. I can’t wait to build an awesome environment with Jon back there. We get to garden, and the landlord wants to have a fire-pit possibly. I really just want an awesome, fun, delightful world back there.
I’m just really excited to build a home with Jon. I obviously don’t mean build from the ground up, but I mean I’m excited to create an environment that has never existed before. I’m excited to see what magical things we do together, and I’m excited for the future. We’ll be moving in around August 1st.
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A mantra I’ve always subscribed to, and I still do. I will not be bogged down by sadness or anything that comes along with it. It might be my lot in life to have things thrown at me at every turn, and so it is my job to adjust and keep running. I really do believe the only way out, is through. Keep pushing forward, and things will somehow work.
During Spring Break, my brother Matt came down for SXSW from Nashville. We met up on his birthday, and it was so amazing. We spent 12 hours together, total. Sometimes it was hard, as it is the first SXSW without our dad who loved southby, and would of course be down there the entire time. I’ve been going to southby since I was about 7. I couldn’t get in pretty much anywhere, as I’m still about a month and a half away from being 21, so we went to 1886 Cafe to kill some time. We got to talk about so much and really catch up, it was so wonderful. I, of course, finished an entire chocolate cake with ice cream on my own, and my brother had a few beers. Perfection. We then went to the Hideout to meet up with my dad’s old band mates, Judith and Russ. We talked about many things, some of them I didn’t really have an interest in diving back into, but it was still really nice. We kept wondering around, eventually making our way to the ridiculous MTV…mini festival? I mean there’s just no other way to describe it. It was absolutely ridiculous. Not at all in the spirit of what SXSW is supposed to be, but we did get to see Pauly D “DJ”……so….that’s something. We also saw Santigold, who only got to do like 3 songs, but it was still fun. Free food and drink, that was honestly the best part. And it was all local, so I got a real sense that I live in the correct city. Matt’s friends are so fun and silly, along with my friend Ben I really did have quite a silly night. We ended the night at Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar. I had never been before, but it was pretty fantastic. All these people were just happy; drinking and singing to every song. So great and almost old-timey. The vibe in there was just “lets have fun and be buddies” it was amazing. A really great, and I was so happy to have spent the whole time with my amazing brother, although of course it made me miss all of my Erickson relatives.
Another thing of note, the next night I did a corporate gig for the Hideout, where Andy, Jon and I got to do a show in an Episcopalian church. At first I was a little uneasy, but once I found out what we would be doing, I got more excited. They wanted us to really talk about dialogue, and how improv helps people listen and express themselves creatively. It was just a beautiful experience. The people were so open and willing to talk, which I really liked. It felt very much like a Baha’i environment, lots of discussing and sharing. We discussed different outlooks on life, and I think that Andy, Jon and I made a great team as we all have different beliefs. We all left with a very elevated spirit, or maybe it was just me. We went to eat afterwards and perhaps I talked to much about Evan, but I was in such a clear head space and I was ready to open up so I did.
I’m really lucky to be surrounded by so many people who are willing to listen to me. Although some days I feel like staying in and not being social, and although lately I’ve been carrying around a heavy heart, I know that I have a strong community of friends and family. I’m nothing but blessed.
I hate them so much sometimes. I keep dreaming of Evan. I dream that I see him and sometimes I’m the only one. I hug him tightly and cry in his arms. He never cries, he just says, “oh. oh no, it’s alright.” and things like that. Comforting sounds.
And I ask why. I always ask why he did this. Why this happened. I think I ignore this question so much in real life that I obsess in my dreams. My sensible side of me thinks it’s useless because we’ll never know, but my other side of me obsesses. He tells me different answers, “I had to be free”, “I had to leave”, “I wouldn’t have made it in acting, I had it all at LHS and would never get that back”, “Society and pressure from my personal life”, and the worst one that I’ve ever heard him say in my dreams,
“I don’t know. I was mad, I was scared, and I regret it.”
I hate my dreams so much sometimes. My heart is so heavy right now.
Richard Burbridge / Vogue Italia May 2009.
Jon’s Mom gave me this poem after my Dad died. It was given to her after her sister-in-law passed away. She found comfort in it, and hoped I would to. I did, and I hope my friends and I take comfort in it now in remembering our dear friend Evan.
Rejoice
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count. I have only slipped away to the next room.
Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly
together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that, we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.